Circle Time!

I'm squirming in my seat, looking out to the darkening sky and beginning to wonder when we can do "bridge time." I want to get back to my cabin and be safe for the rest of the night (aside from carefully walking to the outdoor bathroom area). I look back to our camp activity, may it be a talent show, dance, or skits. I am enjoying watching other campers and staff playing and I am having fun as well. But I can't help myself. I just want to go and get under my covers.

If we are outside, I will find myself inching closer to the nearest person until I can feel their breathing and warmth. Sometimes I'll grab a friend's or a counselor's hand to be sure that I wouldn't be consumed by the dark. I can hear laughter, shouting, and feet stomping on the ground from all the running. Here I am. Standing or sitting very still. I can't see. I can't see. Someone comes to me and says something but I can't see the face. It's a black shadow. Where's the flashlight? I search around me with my hand to find the flashlight and find it. I switch it on. The light bursts dimly. I hold it up to the speaker's face. The speaker repeats what s/he just said. Lipreading under these heavy shadows is still difficult. Yeah, I'm okay, I lied. But the brain doesn't lie. It fire neurons for my hand to grab the speaker's arm and search for his or her hand.

Suddenly, I hear several campers calling "circle time!" Still holding onto the person's hand, the person helps me off the ground and takes me to where everyone is forming a circle. Someone takes my other hand. I recognize the hand, somewhat. I ask, "Who are you?" Oh. Okay, cool. I can make out the scuffling shadows, looking to create a nice, big circle. Immediately, I felt less alone and very much part of the company.

Then we burst into singing "One Little Candle" that lifts my spirits as everyone moved, swayed, stamped feet, all together. I savor the rhythm. (It took me a very long time to learn all the lyrics by heart because sometimes we sang them in the dark. Once I learned them, I felt much more comforted.) The first song's especially touching. Here are the lyrics:

It is better to light just one little candle
Than to stumble in the dark.
Better far that you light just one little candle,
All you need is a tiny spark.
If we'd all say a prayer that the world would be free,
A wonderful dawn of a new day we'd see...
And if everyone lit just one little candle,
What a bright world this would be.

When the day is dark and dreary
And we know not where to go;
Don't let your heart go weary,
Just keep this thought in mind...

It is better to light just one little candle
Than to stumble in the dark.
Better far that you light just one little candle,
All you need is a tiny spark.
If we'd all say a prayer that the world would be free,
A wonderful dawn of a new day we'd see...
And if everyone lit just one little candle,
What a bright world this would be.

Then we moved to sing, "The Day is Done":
When the day is done
Down to earth then sinks the sun
Along with everything that was lost and won
When the day is done.

When the day is done
Hope so much your race will be all run
Then you find you jumped the gun
Have to go back where you began
When the day is done.

When the night is cold
Some get by but some get old
Just to show lifes not made of gold
When the night is cold.

When the bird has flown
Got no-one to call your own
Got no place to call your home
When the bird has flown.

When the games been fought
You speed the ball across the court
Lost much sooner than you would have thought
Now the games been fought.

When the partys through
Seems so very sad for you
Didnt do the things you meant to do
Now theres no time to start anew
Now the partys through.

When the day is done
Down to earth then sinks the sun
Along with everything that was lost and won
When the day is done.

And finally, we end our singing with, "Run Along Home":

Now run along home (we run in place) and jump (we all jump) into bed
Say your prayers, don't cover your head
The very last thing I say unto you
Is "you dream of me, and I'll dream of you.

When we are done, we stand in silence to mediate, still holding hands. Countless times, I look around in the darkness, imagining faces, and think how lucky I am that I have a moment in the darkness where everyone's around me. It gives me an opportunity to study the sky, the land, the lake, and other features of the camp setting. I look up to the sky, searching for the stars. I can never find them, at least I'm sure those "stars" are just plane lights. But I focus on the moon, shining brillantly, giving me a small piece of light. I quietly ask the moon to shine even brighter so I can see my way back to the cabin. I want to see who I am walking with. I want to be able to walk and talk. I don't want to use my flashlight or depend on somebody with a flashlight.

Suddenly, I feel a squeeze. Instantly, I passed the squeeze into the next person. Then everyone cheers and breaks up and heads over to the bridge, while calling for "bridge time." I sigh. I walk out with everyone, following the shadows around me. I feel for the gravel of the road and walk on the edge of the gravel, or away from the grass. I look ahead to see where everyone is going to avoid falling into the small creek below. I succeed in making to the bridge and walking in the center over it. Then I am greeted by good-night hugs. Soon, people begin moving towards the hill, back to the cabin. I search around for my cabinmates or my counselor to walk me back. Sometimes the hill mom will find me and help me back. I never feel secure walking on this road, with pine trees' branches hanging high over my head. I feel spooked. Like it's Sleepy Hollow or something. But the warmth that I felt from "Circle Time" lingers with me.

When I see the light of my cabin and open the door, I feel safe as I can ever be.