Panel on Deafness

I went to a panel on Deafness as part of a week-long event focusing on disabilities and expressing what people with disabilities CAN do, held at my university. I walked away angry and hurtful by the ignorance in the panel, especially towards people with CIs. So I decided to write the letter to knock on the committee's head that this panel was unfair to me and others with CIs.
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Dear Committee Members,

I am writing to discuss my concerns regarding Panel on Deafness that was hosted on Tuesday October 27th.

First, I want to introduce who I am. My name is ______ and I am a graduate student at the University. I have Ushers Syndrome, which caused me to be profoundly deaf and visually impaired. I have bi-lateral cochlear implant. I have lived with my cochlear implant(s) since 1989, when I was 3 1/2. It has always been part of who I am. Like many, many other people who have CI, we tend to see ourselves as "hearing" because of our environment. Our parents raised us to be oral and hoped that we're be like other hearing kids. I rarely saw myself as "deaf" because I never learned American Sign Language and didn't know many deaf people. I was fortunate in a sense to be working with Deaf Ed teachers in elementary school who introduced me to my "deaf identity" and my needs as a "deaf" person. Still, for most part, I just denied it and only accepted it when I took off my CI to sleep and shower.

However, as I became independent, starting with moving to college, I became more aware of my deafness. I could not go to parties. I could not join friends to concerts. I rarely went to movie theaters alone. I purposely chose work-study jobs that would not involve telephones, greatly limiting my choices. As I began working with professionals in disabilities services at my schools, including this University, I became more aware of my needs as a deaf person. I also met with others who had CI through my travels at UM. I realized that when we were first implanted as kids, it was considered a "solution" in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Now twenty years have passed and we have seen the long term consequences. People with CI still need to learn to live with their deaf identity. CI can't fix everything; it's not a solution nor a miracle. It's an option that invovles time commitment and personal dedication for success. I had to admit that I needed help with my classes with better note-taking system. I fought against discrimination when I attempted to change dorm rooms in my sophomore year and I won. I learned to be a self-advocate, recognizing my needs. I asked myself all the time, "What can I do to make this better for me?" If I can't understand someone on the phone, then I will get on the internet and communicate through relay system.

CI people face just as much discrimination as the deaf, even within the Deaf community. We have our own unique challenges. But for most part, we are still part of the Deaf community, even if we've been "outcasted" by the more radical. We still dream of captioning in theaters, movies, and shows. We want equality in the workplace. We hate being "shut out" by other people who don't realize that even though we can hear and speak, we still can't follow every word in the conversation. We get angry when people call us "hearing impaired". Even worse, we don't like to be considered "disabled" or "person with disabilities". I have never in my whole life accepted these terms because I can do a lot of things. To consider me as a person with disabilities would be a serious offense. I want people to know me that I am able to get my MA from UM, run 2 marathons, and travel solo in foreign countries where English isn't spoken.

When I watched the panel of 4 hard-of-hearing adults and 1 Deaf student. It was very apparent that the moderator chose to focus on HOH with special exception to Tar, the Deaf student. I could relate to a lot of what the HOH said about interacting with hearing people and in the hearing world. I was thrilled to learn that theaters and plays are now captioned, especially on Broadway in New York. So I was happy to be updated with what was going on in the arts because I've shut myself out as I couldn't really follow anything that was said.

When it was time for questions, I had my turn. I asked about CI and just for a brief thought about it. The moderator was very surprised and said that it would be like "opening a can of worms" and said it was a "controversial" topic. She was clearly uncomfortable with handling the question and wasn't prepared to do so. But she did allow the panelists a sentence or two. The panelists said almost nothing with the exception of Nan, who was HOH. Tar bluntly said it's a personal choice and left it at that. Then the moderator quickly spoke for all- "it's a personal choice and we don't have time to get into this. Next question." I was so shocked. The next question was from a mother with a child and wanted to ask about cochlear implant as well. I left abruptly due to a prior commitment but I was told afterward that people wanted to know a bit more about cochlear implants as well and one of them talked to my friend who had one.

I was not pleased with the moderator's tone and attitude, especially as an ASL interpreter who should be able to work with a variety of HOH and deaf people, CI users included. The audience clearly wanted to hear a conversation. They deserved to hear it. They also needed to hear that CI isn't a miracle nor a solution to "curing" deafness. They should hear that even a CI person, like me, have similar challenges as I've outlined above. CIs are part of the whole issue of deafness. It's an option that people choose to take or not take and I always appreciate hearing different perspectives. To ignore it is discriminating, just like how CI users are being prejudiced by the far right in the Deaf community even though we are part of the society. CI is gradually becoming accepted, especially among the younger people though.

I do sincerely hope that you will take this letter to heart and use it to re-examine your plans for a panel on deafness for next year and thereafter.

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I hope I get an apology. At least I'm getting their attention.

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While texting with my friend today, we talked about school applications and playing the "deaf card". She said that she considered herself "culturally Deaf" but used "hearing loss" in her essays. I responded, "That makes sense, it's politically correct." She asked why. I thought and replied, "Well, I'm not considered "hearing impaired" and so if someone wants to talk about me, they can use "hearing loss" or "deaf" because I do have a hearing loss." She thought I was right.

I meant, how can you call a severe/profound deaf person "hearing impaired" when their hearing is just gone, or nearly gone? It's not like I'm an old lady who is losing her hearing.

The deaf and hard of hearing students at my university organization hate our name because it says "Hearing Impaired" as part of it. But unfortunately, this organization was founded some time ago and we have donor funding attached to it, so we just abbreviate it.

Just say it. I'm deaf. I have profound hearing loss. How is it "impaired"? "Impaired" signifies some form of weakness. Well, what weakness? It was never there. "Weak" suggests some form of activity. I have no activity in my cochlea, where the problem is. (I'm sure my ear drum and the anvil and all are still working just fine.)

There's also a difference in emphasis on how to call someone deaf/Deaf. I think if you emphasize deaf, it means that the person is DEAF, as in fluent in ASL, part of the Deaf culture, and is, of course, deaf. If you don't, then it's just a disability. I think. I mean, that's how I communicate the difference between the little d and the big D.

This week, the class is doing a midterm in ASL. I'm not doing it. I might do the final exam, just to see where I am and how I did in the class. During the review session, we all learned more because the teacher used her voice so she was able to explain things that she couldn't before (and we had ALWAYS wondered). She's so good in making sure I'm included by correcting my signs in front of everyone. There are 5 different signs for "early" and she explained that this one sign is common in Michigan, but showed me the sign I should use when I'm in Rochester. WTF. Okay. It's the one I like anyway. One of the sign is just finger-spelling it while making a little circle in the air. It's damn hard. We have to practice a lot on our own. When you see it in action, it looks pretty cool. But what's tricky about it is controlling your pinky so it doesn't look like you're making a "I Love You" sign after you fingerspell the "R". The "I Love You" sign consists a blend of I, L, and Y, with the thumb, index finger, and pinky out and the middle two fingers down.

I am so excited to try my skills with my friend who I'm just speaking of above.

Making progress with CC and ASL

The other day, I decided that I wanted to watch the beginning of Desperate Housewives just to see who was Mike's bride. While waiting for the video to load, I saw "CC" under the screen. CC? You mean, there's Closed Captioning on these videos now?? I gasped and reached for my headphones and turned on the CC. Then I clicked for the tv screen to full screen but the CC didn't show up. So I watched the video as it was before with a big black box below it, showing CC.

It was so exciting for me! I already figured that by leasing this particular apartment, I was commiting myself to one year free of my tv shows because it didn't have cable. Neither one of my roommates were interested in trying to get cable. I only wanted cable to watch ABC and FOX but to spend $60 seemed kind of... stupid. So I let it go. But now I have this... what do I need to pay cable for??

I'm excited that this country is making progress in making tv accessible for the deaf.

I'm also making progress in ASL. It's getting a bit more challenging but the teacher's good at correcting people, including me. It was interesting when she explained that there were different signs for colors and days of the week when she learned it long time ago. Wow. We could sort of figure out what they were so if we ever saw those, we would know what they were.

We learned that there were 126 rules for numbers in ASL. Holy smokes. Like the signs for "1, 2, 3" are different from saying "1 day ago, 2 days ago" etc.

I really do appreciate my classmates being so cooperative and enthusiastic about signing. I mean, very few looked like they just wanted to pass the class. A few asked the professor about majoring in ASL or doing something with it. I was very surprised to learn that, given everything that Michigan seems to offer, they don't offer "applied sciences" at undergraduate level. The professor said if people want to get a degree relevant to ASL, they have to go to graduate school for it . She added that the university does expect its students to go onto graduate school anyhow. Whoa.

I also had a meeting for deaf and hard of hearing students last week. We're planning on some things like a trip to an amusement park for next weekend (which I can't go anyhow because of my marathon training and apple-picking with my roommates), a birthday party for those with October birthdays, a dinner night, etc. I felt much more comfortable this year. Maybe it's just because my first year jitters have gone away and I'm more secure, or it's just that I'm getting comfortable with the whole connecting with the deaf who usually sign. Who knows.