The Mystery of Standardized Testing and Deafness

I've been studying my butt off for the GRE. Standardized tests like the GRE and SAT are the bane of my life, and pretty much everyone's as well, especially the Deaf. The verbal section never actually measure our ability to handle English. I have to depend on my English grades for colleges and my writing samples for graduate school admissions to demonstrate that I was proficient in English.

In my last entry, back in March, it was before I heard from any PhD programs. Just a few days later after I posted it, I had heard from a top-20 program that I never thought I would have a chance and I was waitlisted. I was so excited that someone actually liked me! I also heard a few weeks later that I had been waitlisted at my top choice! Ultimately, I could not get a firm acceptance anywhere. Very disappointed but it was a tough season. My professors encouraged me to try again for Fall 2011. Nearly all wanted me to re-take the GRE as my Verbal was quite low- 420 (something in the 30th percentile and most programs want 90th). And a little old (3 years old) given that I should've improved my verbal ability throughout graduate school. I hesitated for a good while because I really did not want to take the GRE and I did not believe in standardized exams. Also to ask me to improve my verbal score alone by 250 points was a lot to ask. I've heard of people improving by 50-100 points per section but nothing higher. If I did, it was a rare case.

Then I met a professor at Berkeley for a casual conversation. She convinced me just to nail a 600 just to "stay in the corral." 650 is competitive but 600 will do. She also really believed that I had something to offer to academia based on our conversation about my interests. It dawned on me that I really had a lot to offer and the GRE was just... a serious obstacle to my success. Especially with a low Verbal score, despite being deaf. No more excuses.

I hit the Kaplan books head on. I studied my weaknesses and thought-processing. I realized something as i analyzed my wrong answer choices in the analogies and antonyms sections.

While I've been able to get by with a slightly nuance for the word's meaning that I didn't know well, it did not bode well for me when it came to the GRE. I now have to know the word cold. For example, I came across "HEDGE." I thought, "hedging my bets..." and considered the word something like to keep? Buzzzz. I chose the wrong answer. Then I looked it up in the dictionary and its more precise definition (to protect, guard, or a barrier) and chose a better answer, which happened to be the right one. I was rattled with fear... how many times did I make a mistake with incorrect word choice? How many times did I use a word with wrong connotation in conversations and simple writing exercises?

After that, if I encountered a word and say to myself, "Well, this kind of means..." I stopped and looked it up. And made a new flashcard, whether I *get it* or not. Like today, I made a flash card for mitigate (yes, we have seen this word many, many times recently regarding the economy but I thought it was more on negative side, not "to make less severe, harsh; calming."

While the GRE, as I figured out, does expect one to understand some nuances through word roots, it does expect one to recall the precise definition of its high frequently used words. And those words are supposed to be part of my everyday adult vocabulary, at least the ones that may to be obvious like "hedge." You, my dear reader, can imagine how I'm banging my head against the table at this realization, that I have work cut out for me.

I questioned my parents, actually, about my language learning when I told them of this thinking. I commented how even though I was an avid reader, I have weak vocabulary in general because I let new words flow in and out of my ear and just glazed over the context for a simple meaning, rather than finding its precise definition (including connotations). Wasn't that how other people learned new words as they read? Was this part of my attempt to catch up language wise? Yes, like believing that I could see in the dark even though I could not really. I assume that this method would get me from Point A to Point B without too much trouble. Except this was costing my points on the GRE, and possibly my writing. Their response wasn't all that much- except it's good that I am learning all of this now. Still, I kind of wish that they'd question me if I understood the words I was using or they were using... my mom still introduces me idioms in our conversations to be sure that I am still understanding my native tongue fully.

While I know that the GRE is generally pointless and stupid and expects test takers to follow a "certain thought processing" to score high, I'm just amazed how it digs a finger in a weak spot into showing that this vocabulary issue is precisely the reason why I score like a ESL student or someone with a delayed language issues, even though English is my native tongue.

So thus far, scoring around 550. Yes, you read that right. I did improve reading comprehension thanks to grad school, enough to score a 490 on my first GRE practice exam back in early July. One more month to go!